The November Project 2014
by David Kirschenbaum
Nov. 1
pick up prescriptions from cvs for dad
$167
use my own debit card
yes, my own debit card.
Nov. 2
go see wilders home
first friends with a home
i mean a house
i mean risa owns an apartment
but there's something different about owning a house
and having grass
and a pool for G-d sakes
next summer wilders' home, house pool party
Nov. 3
i'm still putting ketchup on hot dogs
it's something that's new to me
atop of the mustard
and the sauerkraut
but today i forgot to put ketchup
atop of the mustard
and the sauerkraut
and though it was a good dog
a pretty good dog
i wished i put ketchup on my hot dog, too.
Nov. 4
one car house
flat tire on the hyundai
dad's absess
causes jeep late return
and podiatrist appointment miss,
head to waldbaum's
buy three 1-gallon jugs of diet turkey hill iced tea,
nestle's 100 grand, peanut chews, chocolate twizzlers.
Nov. 5
me, i slept in a car because i didn't feel great
while my folks went to see the man who shot liberty valance at the queens museum
then long drive to dinner at my sis' before some tv,
the country music awards
which have brad paisley and carrie underwood host
for like seven years straight,
which is why i watch the show.
their chemistry amazing and such fun.
Nov. 6
no one at dentist's office
but me ringing bell
i sit in folks' jeep
listening to wfan sport radio
rain hitting the windshield
i plan on giving it 15 minutes
10 minutes in dentist shows up
apologies for forgetting that we rescheduled for an earlier appointment
Nov. 7
while mom's undergoing nuclear stress test
dad drives to my apartment
where i drop groceries and luggage,
make a second trip for just light wheat bread, soda, and seltzer
Nov. 8
scanning through the guide
find a lot like love
to watch again, again
Nov. 9
the jets won today
broke an eight-game losing streak today
a half a season losing streak,
i'm not quite certain what an eight-game losing streak feels like
never having suffered one on all of the sports teams i played on over the years,
wondering what the life equivalent of an eight-game losing streak is.
Nov. 10
at the castle wedding
it was only immediate family
her father, and
his mother and daughter.
Nov. 11
needing 500 calories
to properly absorb one of my pills
the chicken noodle soup isn't getting me there
so i heat up two hot dogs,
use two slices of full-caloried white bread,
mustard and ketchup
to get me over
Nov. 12
please answer your phone
please reply to your email
it's 2014
you shouldn't be so unreachable
Nov. 13
fasting for bloodwork
my hunger builds
out in the streets
what should i eat
maybe a slice of plain pizza,
maybe one with mushrooms on it
i think that i'll have
baked ziti for breakfast
baked ziti for breakfast
is what i'll have
Nov. 14
you've called me on your phone
you're now reachable
you say you'll call me back shortly
and i hope you will.
Nov. 15
williamsburg bagels and a a bialy with lox spread
east village pizza from two boots
chelsea chinese food for dinner
our trip 'round new york.
Nov. 16
dad's jeep won't start after dinner
sis stands in street
her hooker boots help her get cables to boost the car.
Nov. 17
i watch dancing with the stars
because it's better than any antidepressant i've ever been on
a two-hourlong happy pill,
super happy.
Nov. 18
successfully mixed whole wheat pasta
with no wheat pasta
much to the initial trepidation of my mother.
Nov. 19
going home in the morning
so i review my folks dvr,
watch some shows
delete the rest
go to the series manager
remove all trace of me,
except tmz,
always tmz
Nov. 20
talk to me
so i'll talk to you
you know me
i don't remember your name
the trouble with being an organizer
Nov. 21
buy jar of store brand marinara sauce
to make the meat sauce my mom sent me home with
last a little longer
Nov. 22
sleep as much as possible
wake up take thyroid pill
watch a little tv,
go back to bed.
a few hours later wake up,
eat some multigrain cheerios
go back to bed,
continue this until suns down,
don't turn any lights on.
Nov. 23
cleaning up the mess you left me
you staggered to the finish line
it's something that i did see coming
i guess it's alright anyways
Nov. 24
i'm 47 please just ask me
i'm 47 that ain't too hard (is it)
i'm 47 just say it to me
i'm 47 tired of this
Nov. 25
thanks for calling
thanks for checking me
don't wanna see you
know you're in good company me
i'll check back in
see you again soon,
don't know when
contemplating nothing
that's all i can handle right now
Nov. 26
wake up before three-alarm assault
gets me out to folks
put on last outfit i wore to ensure leaving
find last book i've been reading
elliott smith biography
i'm waiting to see how it ends
Nov. 27
my sister's stuffing was loose,
falling apart,
it tasted ok,
it tasted pretty good,
but not exciting.
Nov. 28
learn from chef on meredith viera's show
that if you make it inside the turkey it's stuffing
that if you make it outside of the turkey it's dressing
you learn something new everyday my dad says.
Nov. 29
the garlic sauce on the side of my tofu dish
from the chinese restaurant in my folks neighborhood,
the one that delivers,
unlike the one they've used for years,
is the best garlic sauce i've had in years,
has restored my faith in chinese food,
even though they forgot to include my cashew nuts.
Nov. 30
the krab salad's
fake,
spelled with a k,
so dad thinks it's ok for this kosher kid to eat,
but the deli counter worker
says there's no kosher marking on the packaging
and not enough proof on the website
so i'll stick to the potato and egg salad,
less vinegary than just potato salad.
